你说过“ I am fortunate to have you", 记得吗？

原本昨天向往的是个开心拍拖的日子，因为好久没看到你了。认为做什么都不重要，即使几个钟头也好，只要看到你，我心里的想念都会消失。结果，一天的最后，我累，我强颜欢笑，我装得若无其事，我伤心，也流了泪。

认真想，一开始，真的不应该住你家。很想对你说，我不想继续做父母不想我做的事，也不想继续骗他们。但我还是为了你，破例了很多次。然而，这一再的让步养成了你一种习惯，变成了我一种负担。让我伤心的是，你竟然觉得这是理所当然，无视于我的心情和努力，继续要求。每次得对你说 no，我心也痛，可你懂吗？又再重现前段恋情的挣扎-亲情？爱情？我不要选择

fortunate to have me? i don't really ever see that. how many times have you picked on my imperfections, and harped on them? how many times have you lamented what i am not, and explicitly wished i was better? is this your love to me? sometimes i feel tired, wondering how you claim to love me, but not everything about me? wondering if there were really a chance, you would have chosen someone else? wondering if i even tried, would you even notice? or just make more demands?

yes i know spending more time together is all you wanted, the reason behind your request. but knowing what i cant give, it breaks my heart.

at the end of yesterday, i really wondered how our relationship came to be like that? you making expectations, and me striving to meet them. at one point, i thought, it must be because i don't try hard enough, but now i just want to be me, and be loved for being me. i don't want to go on like this.

it was supposed to be a happy day, but the unhappiness overshadowed the joy.

maybe i'm just over-reacting, after all, one day together is not that much to ask for